What NOT to Put in a Query Letter (Never Say These 7 Things!)
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Writing a query letter is understandably a source of stress for many authors, but it's a necessary step in pursuing the traditional publishing process. If you're writing a query right now, you are likely worried about representing yourself and your book really well and pitching it in a way that entices the agent.
But sometimes, certain things that you say in a query letter could inadvertently erode your credibility and come across in a way that might actually make the agent less inclined to work with you. As a professional book editor and former literary agency employee, I have evaluated hundreds of query letters over the course of my career and have compiled a list of common mistakes that I see authors make.
I’ve compiled a list of seven things you should never say in a query letter. I encourage you to check your own query for this type of language and remove it so that you give yourself the best chances when reaching out to agents!
1. “My book is going to become a bestseller.”
The first thing not to put in a query letter is that your book is going to become a bestseller. While your confidence in your book is certainly admirable, no one — not even your agent or your publishing house — can guarantee that your book is going to become a bestseller. So, you making this claim in the query letter could come across as though you don't know how the industry works.
You also don't want to give the agent the impression that you potentially have unrealistic expectations or grandiose visions for the book that might not come true. After all, they don't want you to feel disappointed by the results of your publishing journey if your book doesn’t end up becoming a bestseller and you thought it would all along.
Of course, your agent is going to want your book to become a bestseller as well, because your success is their success — but this is not something you need to say in a query. It almost goes unsaid; of course you want to become a bestselling author if you're pursuing this!
That said, nothing in publishing is certain, so it's really just best to leave this type of language out. Agents, of course, understand that you are confident in the book — otherwise you wouldn't be querying them to begin with.
2. “My novel is not yet complete, but…”
For fiction, agents will expect you to have a fully completed manuscript prior to querying. Some authors hope that they can get around this and avoid having to write the entire manuscript by first seeing if a literary agent likes the pitch of the book or likes the sample pages. Maybe you don't want to put in the time to write the entire book if agents don't like the idea. But this is unfortunately not going to work out for you. That's because once an agent likes your pitch in the query letter and your sample pages, the immediate next step is going to be for them to request to see the full manuscript — and it's not going to look good if you don't have that to present them. You need to have it ready to go.
An agent is unfortunately not going to sign on a client on just a pitch and some sample pages. For fiction, they need to evaluate the entire manuscript to see if you have the chops to complete the whole novel and if you can execute on this idea.
Now, there is one exception to the rule of needing to have a complete manuscript prior to querying, and that is if you are querying non-fiction — particularly academic non-fiction or self-help. In these cases, you typically present a finished book proposal as well as sample chapters, and it is not necessary for you to complete the entire book prior to querying.
But, if you are writing fiction, you definitely need to complete the entire manuscript first.
3. “I’m willing to offer a higher commission rate.”
The next thing not to say in a query letter is that you’re willing to offer a higher commission rate.
Some authors hope that they can catch a literary agent's attention and interest by saying that they are going to give them more than the standard 15% commission on their advance and royalties from their book deal. But the truth is that no reputable agent is going to deviate from that standard 15% commission, which is the norm in the US industry. Offering them a higher commission rate is only going to end up looking unprofessional and almost seeming like you're trying to cut some shady, backdoor business deal.
So, don't try to offer any type of alternative business plan to the agent in your query letter. The way that you and an agent would work together is them receiving 15% commission on your book deal.
4. “I know the manuscript needs some work, but…”
Agents will expect you to put in the work on the front end to make the manuscript as strong as it can possibly be prior to reaching out to them.
While it is common to go through rounds of developmental editing with your agent to make sure the manuscript is in tip-top shape to appeal to publishing houses, you shouldn't highlight in your query that you know there are these big issues in the manuscript; that's just going to make the agent question why you haven't taken care of those issues yet if you know that they're there.
Ultimately, you want to present your book very confidently and not alert the agent to any possible problems with it, because that's automatically going to make them question whether it and you are really ready for this next phase of your publishing journey.
5. “I would love to speak over the phone or in person.”
Unfortunately, agents are very strapped for time, and they simply don't have time to take meetings with authors who they have not expressed interest in representing.
You will not have a phone or in-person meeting with an agent until they reach out to you saying that they would like to talk more about your book and your plans for publishing. This is something that you have to let the agent initiate.
I also do not recommend calling an agency or agent out of the blue or showing up at the agency door in the hopes of stopping and speaking to this agent in person or over the phone. This could come off as a bit aggressive, and agents expect you to go through the standard query process, which is you sending them your materials and then them either rejecting the materials or expressing interest in speaking to you more about the project.
6. “I’ve loved writing since a young age.”
The next thing you should never say in a query is that you've loved writing since a young age. Many authors want to describe what got them into writing, such as stories that inspired them in their youth. But that's ultimately not necessary to include in the query letter and just makes it longer than necessary.
Remember, this document should be as concise as possible. Of course, agents presume that you have a passion for writing — otherwise you wouldn't be doing this. Many authors and many agents have a shared lifelong interest and passion for storytelling, so unless there is something exceptional about how you got into writing, it is not necessary to mention in your bio.
What is more compelling to mention in your author bio is any specific writing credentials or experience you bring to the table, whether that is a creative writing degree, attendance at workshops or conferences, any previous publications or any relevant work experience.
If you don't have any of that, that does not mean you cannot get an agent to represent you; in that case, I recommend just saying this is your debut book in your bio.
7. “My friends and family have enjoyed this book.”
While it's certainly nice to get this positive feedback from friends and family, it's ultimately not going to hold any weight from an agent's perspective when reviewing your query.
After all, it's quite common for friends and family to make positive comments about your book because they want to encourage you — of course they love you and they want to support you! If they're not trained in providing editorial feedback, their input just likely isn't that helpful from a professional standpoint. And even if they did truly love the story, that's still not going to convince the agent of anything because they still need to evaluate the viability of this project from their professional view.
The only time that I would recommend potentially mentioning someone's feedback on your book in your query letter is if you have a connection to a well-known or high-profile author and they did give you praise about it. This would have to be someone whose name the agent would recognize. In that case, their feedback could be worth including. Otherwise, leave it out.
I hope this helped you understand what agents are really looking for in the query and what not to put in a query letter. I encourage you to review your own letter for language that might give agents pause and you should remove.
Thanks so much for reading and happy querying!
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